I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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