I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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