Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
