is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
