Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
