My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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