he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
