help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
