ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
