How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
