He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Enjoy the penises
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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