wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
