dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
