i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
