My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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