Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
