I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
