if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
