took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
