i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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