Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
