Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're breaking my sexual little heart
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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