So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
