Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
