So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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