We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
