I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
