Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
