I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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