HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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