It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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