someone threw a dead crab at me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
