would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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