Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
its liver damage thursday
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
