based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
