I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
