dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I just sharted jello shots
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
