just tell him i said nine months
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
