My nipple is on Facebook.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
