You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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