Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
