I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
