i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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