My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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