My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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