Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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