i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
