my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
