You can't motorboat a personality
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
