Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
