just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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