Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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