I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
